Tuesday, March 22, 2005

holy week

My graduation party was not a grand one but the good thing is that many people came, wishing me well, telling me that they are proud of me, that I am man enough to serve the Lord. I was beaming with pride in my white toga. My parents were very happy.

The road I have decided to take is not an easy one. There are many things to consider, such as the fact that I am an only child and with me becoming a preist, my parents will not have a grandchild. I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand. Another thing is that they say I am too intelligent to waste my knowledge in a seminary. But isn't it that it takes a lot of wisdom to do the work of God?

I talked to Kuya Kenshin the night before my graduation. He congratulated me and teased me, that he will not go to church anymore because I will be the one to pray for him, for the salvation of his soul. I laughed at his witty comments and I knew right away that I will miss my kuya.

The whole family will be going out of town this Thursday. Kuya Kenshin's and Les' family will be joining us. We will have our annual visita iglesia and for this year, we will be heading north.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

father lestan?

Does that sound good? I'm really excited to graduate and enter the seminary. My father is planning to have a party for that reason.

I know what I really want to do and this is it, to be a priest and serve God.

Now, for my number one priestly mission, I am proud to say that my prayers have been answered. Kuya Kenshin has broke up with Ate Aina! All praises to the Almighty Father!

I hope my second mission will also be answered. But since it has not happened yet, I will continue to pray for Les to be a girl.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

a brand new day

I missed you, my online journal! A very belated Happy New Year to everyone!

I have been very busy with school lately. Our monthly exams is coming up, next week and I really have to study to at least qualify in being an honor student. With God's grace, may this come true.

My parents have already arranged that I enter the seminary this summer. Now my lifelong dream is about to come true. My friends are very happy for me and they are looking forward to having me officiate the Holy Mass.

With this I remember something that Marsy told me when we last spoke to each other. She asked me why I am so nice and whether it is only a part of my dream of being a priest. With the way she told me this, I cannot interpret whether she is happy that I am a good boy or that she is wondering if my being nice is genuine.

I do like being nice. I am happy when I help people in their problem, when I somehow brighten up their gloomy day. I like it when people smile. I am happy with making them happy.

Friday, December 31, 2004

huff

I'm still angry at Kuya Kenshin. I have not talked to him eversince we argued. I understand that he has had enough of my meddling and going between him and his fiancee. But I only lost my temper when he said, "You're no different from Nessa! With the way she meddled in Aki and Marsy's relationship, that's the same way you have been interfering with my love life!" That was an insult to me. Kuya knows that I never liked what Nessa did to Marsy's relationship with Aki.

Neither have i visited Filcosplay since that day. I know he has returned to reclaim his fame in that forum. He enjoys the attention he receives there. And when I know that he is online, I immediately sign out. I do not want to talk to him.

With this situation, I had more time on my studies. I also had time to reflect about my faith. My sins are growing with the hatred I feel for Kuya and penance is far from my reach. I have spoken to my parents and they are urging me to go to the seminary by summer. Although I'm thinking twice about it since I want to at least finish college in case I don't make it as a priest.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

pathetic

Nakakainis sila! Lagi na lang nilang ipinipilit na ako si Kuya Kenshin! Hindi sa ayoko na madamay sa gulo ni kuya pero nakakainis talaga!

Nag-sorry na nga si kuya sa kanila, ganoon pa naging reaction nila? Akala ba nila madali para kay kuya ang mag-sorry? Kahit nga sa mommy niya, kahit kailan hindi pa siya nag-sorry (sutil na anak si kuya) tapos sa kanila, nagawa ni kuya iyon? Matuwa sila at nilunok ni kuya ang pride niya!

Tapos ngayon, may isang taong masama ang ugali na nagsabing ako at si kuya ay iisa lang. Halos lahat naman ng member ng Filcosplay, ganoon ang sinasabi pero yung isang member na iyon, hindi na niya inisip kung ano yung mga salitang ginamit niya. Iyon ay isang gawain ng taong walang modo at walang pinag-aralan.

Mali ang mag-husga, kasalanan itong mga sinasabi ko ngayon. Pero ako ang nasaktan sa sinabi ng member na iyon. Bakit niya ibibigay din sa akin ang kung anumang galit na mayroon siya para kay kuya? Dahil akala niya na ako at si kuya ay iisa lang? Isang malaking AKALA!!! Wala siyang kasiguraduhan! Akala lang ang mayroon siya. Isang pakiramdam, isang hinala.

Isang salita para sa kanya: PATHETIC. Siya ang pathetic at hindi si kuya.

Kung alam ko lang, siya ang may ibang katauhan sa Filcosplay.

Monday, November 29, 2004

slammed

Nawala na nga binalikan pa.

Kuya Kenshin really cannot keep himself away from that girl. They broke up last Saturday afternoon. I thought kuya was already serious when he said he won't take her back even if she begs and cries a river.

Something unbelievable for someone who kept crying like a baby the whole day.

Eventually they got back together. Why? Ate told kuya that she's going to kill herself. What can someone as soft-hearted as my kuya do? He ate his own words and took her back.

Ang sarap niyang ibalibag sa pader nung sinabi niya sa akin iyon.

But there is nothing that I can do. I know he loves her. To what extent? He has just asked her to marry him next year. NEXT YEAR. My kuya really is insane! They haven't even seen each other yet and he asked her to marry him next year?! Kuya is absurd!

On the other hand, Kuya told me that Aki texted him. Aki said that he and Marsy have just broke up.

Marsy, huwag mong gayahin ang katangahan ng kuya ko.

When the source of your problem disappears, don't go running after it. Let it leave. Wala ka namang napapalang maganda eh!

Ate, I know you read my blog and you hate me for the things I put in here. Pero ayoko lang talagang nasasaktan si kuya. Kung mahal mo siya, alagaan mo siya. Patunayan mo na totoo ka sa mga sinasabi mo. Ayoko nang kontrahin si kuya. Kaya handa na akong tanggapin na ikaw ang mahal niya at gusto niyang makasama.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

emotional

I see that he is in a very bad condition. Malungkot na naman siya. He's sad for the same reason. He still doesn't feel that he's the only one in his life.

I read her entries and it makes me sad. She loves him so much that she can take all the pain in the world for him. She's willing to give up everything.

They are in the same state. They are both with insensitive partners who don't care what other people feel. The four of them are connected and here I am, a witness to their story.

I know enough to comment on this. Naiinis ako sa kanilang dalawa! Ang sama ng ugali nila! Hindi na nila inisip yung mga taong nasasaktan. Nagpapakatanga na nga lang sila para kalimutan ang lahat pero hindi naman nila puwedeng gawin yun habang buhay!

They are both asking for the same thing: that their partners leave each other, avoid each other for their sake. But why can't they do it? They chose to let these two people suffer while they are together happily.

Kuya Kenshin... Marsy... I wish I can do something for the two of you. Maybe if the two of you ended up together instead, you'd both be happier and you will not know this kind of suffering.

Pero ang tanong ko, hanggang kailan niyo titiisin yan? Hanggang kailan niyo hahayaan ang sarili niyo na saktan ng dalawang taong wala namang pakialam sa nararamdaman niyo? Kailan? Kapag patay na kayo? Kapag nagawa na nilang aminin sa inyo na niloloko lang nila kayo? You both have to wake up. Huwag na kayong magpakabulag sa mga damdamin niyo. Masyado niyo silang minahal pero wala namang nangyari. Nasayang lang ang pagmamahal na binigay niyo.

THEY DO NOT DESERVE TO BE LOVED.